wanna go halves on a baby?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
