She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
