Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
