something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
