Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize