3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize