Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
