Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
