Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
