I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
