I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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