Have you finally orgasmed yet?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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