my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
