party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
