dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Is it penis luge time yet?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
