You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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