Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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