I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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