Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
