Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
