The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
