I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
