please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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