I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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