I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
