I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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