while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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