Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
How external is "for external use only"?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
