I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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