Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
