if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
