I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
