she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize