the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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