i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
