Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
