Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
