never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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