Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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