good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
