I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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