What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
