He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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