I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I have aggressive nipples.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
