Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
