That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
