I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
