theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
