everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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