im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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