Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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