i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
