I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
it's like heaven, but drunker
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
