He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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