I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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