Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I touched a dick in church today
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
