it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
the liver wants what the liver wants
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
