you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
