I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
