So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
