Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize