I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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