i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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