We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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