she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
