I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize